2025-2026 Sheikh Gucci Power Rankings Week - 15

We're in the Home stretch now. No jokes to be made, no more time for hope and good vibes. It's put up or shut up. 6 teams have already clinched playoffs and the remaining 6 are fighting it out for the last 2 spots. Lets jump into the current rankings:

The Rankings

RK	Team	PF	PA	STRK	MOVES
1	General Sahib  (Arshad Jaffery)	21269.5	16927	W3	19
2	The Paolo Express  (Mujabe Shekib)	19099	16599.75	W5	24
3	Rock 'Em Siakam Robots  (Qais Yar)	19001.25	18169.75	W3	61
4	Buz Cruise  (Mustafa Masood)	18720.75	15755.5	L1	34
5	W E M-V-P  (Azim Khalique)	17699.75	16776.25	W2	50
6	Team HARAMBE!!!!!  (Roman Ghney)	17513.25	17865.5	L5	22
7	Khanqueror  (Faris Khan)	17510	17676.75	L2	47
8	The Math Ain't Mathing  (Riamo Equah)	16734.25	17658.25	W2	13
9	Cobra Kawhi  (Sama T. B.)	15899.75	16423.75	L2	24
10	ball is life  (nauman bakhrani)	15732.75	18326.75	L9	5
11	Overweight Young Gids  (Zuhair Haque)	14569	17545.25	W1	7
12	Dunkin' Donuts  (usman hussain)	12760.5	16785.25	L3	4

Quick Insights:

• General Sahib leads the pack. Lets not get it twisted, just a terrific season so far and absolute domination. 
• Funny how it took the removal of 2/3 of the ghney bros for this man to finally have dominance
• The Paolo Express and Rock 'Em Siakam Robots are neck and neck for the second place spot
• Dunkin Donuts will not make the playoffs - I'm not even sure they made the regular season
• Ball is life will not make the playoffs - like how do you have the same record as Dunkin Donuts?
• Khanqueror not only is ranked 7th in my rankings but also has the most wins of the teams that have not yet clinched playoffs
• Has 7 wins
• The Math Ain't Mathing, Cobra Kawhi, and Overweight Young Gids are the 3 remaining teams that Will battle it out for the playoffs. 
• Of the 3 Overweight Young Gids has the worst record and is also ranked lowest in my rankings making it a tough path.

Playoff picture should become pretty clear after this week if not completely set. Season's coming to an end folks!

2025-2026 Sheikh Gucci Power Rankings Week - 14

I was contractually obligated to not post any rankings while the bears were winning as the LM thought a certain Team Manager shouldn't have so much happiness in their life. Now that the bears have been eliminated and Bear Fans have come back to Earth, the rankings will resume...maaaaybe.

 

RK	Team	PF	PA	STRK	MOVES
1	General Sahib  (Arshad Jaffery)	19739.25	15846.5	W2	19
2	Rock 'Em Siakam Robots  (Qais Yar)	17702.5	16880.75	W2	53
3	The Paolo Express  (Mujabe Shekib)	17618.5	15451.25	W4	24
4	Buz Cruise  (Mustafa Masood)	17547.5	14225	W13	34
5	Team HARAMBE!!!!!  (Roman Ghney)	16432.75	16335.25	L4	22
6	Khanqueror  (Faris Khan)	16221	16378	L1	43
7	W E M-V-P  (Azim Khalique)	16169.25	15603	W1	48
8	The Math Ain't Mathing  (Riamo Equah)	15454.25	16552.75	W1	13
9	Cobra Kawhi  (Sama T. B.)	14860.75	15336.25	L1	24
10	ball is life  (nauman bakhrani)	14627.25	17046.75	L8	5
11	Overweight Young Gids  (Z	13481.5	16506.25	L7	7
12	Dunkin' Donuts  (usman hussain)	11612	15304.75	L2	0

Quick Insights

General Sahib currently is ranked number 1 in the league with a whopping 19739.25 fpts which is nearly 2000 more ftps than second place team...

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• Rock 'Em Siakam Robots currently leads the uncorrupted portion of the league with a whopping 17702.5 fpts. 
• The League Manager for once is sitting on top of the world with no other team to challenge him according to the computations recorded.
• Buz Cruise is currently ranked 4th overall in my rankings but needs to given props for 13 straight wins!
• The Math aint Mathing finally won a game and suddenly there are rankings? Coincidence? Self Serving prick
• Overweight Young Gids needs to lose some weight and end the longest losing streak at 8 games
• Thanks for taking me to the Rose Jersey Retirement though!
• Ball is Life - apparently so is losing with the longest losing streak in the league with 8
• Dunkin Donuts won a game at some point this season. 
• Like Haleys Comet - and i missed it!
• When asked about his record Dunkin Donuts answered "I'm sorry, what was the question?" while sipping on a Cold Coke Zero in short shorts and a tanktop with his ray-ban Shades on sitting under a palm tree.

Only 4 weeks to go before the playoffs begin. The playoff rankings are still in the air - for most!

2025-2026 Sheikh Gucci Power Rankings Week - .....you know...i'm not actually sure

 Bears lost, Bulls Lost, Pakistan Lost and America Keeps Losing - so do some team in this league - Data below!

RK	Team	PF	PA	STRK	MOVES
1	Dunkin' Donuts  (usman hussain)	10366.25	8155.75	W6	11
2	Team HARAMBE!!!!!  (Roman Ghney)	9594.25	8604	W7	21
3	Buz Cruise  (Mustafa Masood)	9454.25	7526.75	W6	19
4	The Paolo Express  (Mujabe Shekib)	9163.5	8465.5	W1	14
5	W E M-V-P  (Azim Khalique)	8761.25	8023	L2	27
6	Khanqueror  (Faris Khan)	8758	8917.75	W2	23
7	Rock 'Em Siakam Robots  (Qais Yar)	8728.5	8954.75	L1	33
8	ball is life  (nauman bakhrani)	8432.75	9039.25	L1	5
9	Cobra Kawhi  (Sama T. B.)	7594	8211.5	L2	4
10	The Math Ain't Mathing  (Riamo Equah)	7435.5	8817	L2	10
11	Overweight Young Gids  (Zuhair Haque)	6904.5	8570.5	W1	6
12	General Sahib  (Arshad Jaffery)	6139.75	8046.75	L4	0

Insights:

• Dunkin Donuts Continues it's surprising rise to the top despite a slow start to the season and currently sits at the top of the rankings with over 10k fantasy points
• They are the first team to hit 10k points
• Team Harambe and Buz Cruise are having a very competetive year and this one will likely go down to the final games for supremacy in these rankings
• General Sahib keeps their losing streak up - those losers
• 4 straight Losses, longest losing streak yet!
• A trade was made that sent Lebron James and AD to Cobra Kawhi for two role players
• The trade committee would not have approved
• The trade committee is dead
• Hell yea!

We're getting past the halfway point this week - mistakes become permanent, and losers stay losers if they don't win soon - and they wont...because they are losers.

2025-2026 Sheikh Gucci Power Rankings Week 5

Sorry all for the lack of rankings last week. I was traveling for a job that actually pays me - but I'm back now so lets get these rankings out!

Rank	Team	PF	PA	STRK	MOVES
1	General Sahib  (Arshad Jaffery)	7170	6067.25	W4	7
2	Team HARAMBE!!!!!  (Roman Ghney)	6922	6302.5	W5	19
3	Buz Cruise  (Mustafa Masood)	6737.5	5651.25	W4	18
4	The Paolo Express  (Mujabe Shekib)	6565.25	5820	L1	12
5	W E M-V-P  (Azim Khalique)	6490.25	5258	W3	21
6	Rock 'Em Siakam Robots  (Qais Yar)	6472	6532.5	L3	28
7	Khanqueror  (Faris Khan)	5936.75	6420.5	L1	21
8	ball is life  (nauman bakhrani)	5768.75	6592.5	L2	5
9	Cobra Kawhi  (Sama T. B.)	5599.5	5463	W1	4
10	The Math Ain't Mathing  (Riamo Equah)	5253	6176.5	W1	7
11	Overweight Young Gids  (Zuhair Haque)	5170	6367.75	L4	5
12	Dunkin' Donuts  (usman hussain)	4711	6144.25	L2	0

Insights:

• General Sahib is currently the number 1 ranked team in the rankings and the first team to score more than 7k fpts this season
• Will that translate to getting out out the first round? No....probably not.
• General Sahib is also keeping the number of moves to a minimum which is atypical for his team strategy
• Will that translate to getting out of the first round? No....probably not.
• Team HARAMBE!!!!!!! trails General Sahib by 248 pts.
• General Sahib approves
• Team Ball is Life has had the hardest schedule
• if ball is life, then life must be hard
• Shoutout to the Buz Cruise for being the third best team with the third hardest schedule and third most amount of call for attention in this league. 
• The glory of being the runner up to the runner up surely is not lost with this team owner - Go Bears!
• Dunkin Donuts....exists. That is all
• The Math Ain't Mathing finally won a game! Who needs trades?
• This team needs trades - please reach out!

Other News:

The Trade Committee has Fallen!

In a stunning and unprecedented development, the Sheikh Gucci League has witnessed the collapse of what many believed would stand forever: The Trade Committee—an institution as rigid, immovable, and bureaucratic as any Cold War relic.

After years of division, suspicion, and iron-fisted regulation of even the simplest of trade proposals (“I give you Anthony Davis; you give me… literally anything of value?”), the committee has been officially dismantled.

Crowds of fantasy managers flooded the streets—refreshing their ESPN app repeatedly—to celebrate. Sources report that transparency, freedom, and player-for-player exchanges may once again flow across team borders without fear of a five-day waiting period or a 2-1 veto from men who haven’t checked the standings since Week 2.

Resident League Statistician, SAMA T.B. however had one stressing question: "Is the math even mathing?"

Stay tuned to find out!

2025-2026 Sheikh Gucci Power Rankings - Week 3

 The Math aint mathing....the math aint mathing....the math aint mathing...the math aint mathing....the math aint mathing...the math aint mathing....the math aint mathing...the math aint mathing....the math aint mathing...the math aint mathing....the math aint mathing...the math aint mathing....the math aint mathing...the math aint mathing....the math aint mathing...the math aint mathing....the math aint mathing...the math aint mathing....the math aint mathing...the math aint mathing....the math aint mathing...the math aint mathing....the math aint mathing...the math aint mathing....the math aint mathing...

RK	Team	PF	PA	STRK	MOVES
1	The Paolo Express  (Mujabe Shekib)	4182	3420	L1	9
2	Team HARAMBE!!!!!  (Roman Ghney)	4000	3707	W3	10
3	Rock 'Em Siakam Robots  (Qais Yar)	3981	3742	L1	16
4	Foxy Matas  (Mustafa Masood)	3914	3446	W2	13
5	General Sahib  (Arshad Jaffery)	3856	3418	W2	5
6	W E M-V-P  (Azim Khalique)	3766	3453	W1	16
7	Cobra Kawhi  (Sama T. B.)	3558	3616	L1	4
8	ball is life  (nauman bakhrani)	3382	3531	W1	5
9	Khanqueror  (Faris Khan)	3353	3742	L3	10
10	Dunkin' Donuts  (usman hussain)	3205	3674	W1	0
11	Overweight Young Gids  (Zuhair Haque)	3203	3651	L2	3
12	The Math Ain't Mathing  (Riamo Equah)	2960	3960	L3	4

Insights:

• The Paolo Express may have lost their last game, but they are ranked number 1 in my ranking by a comanding 182 fpts over second place Team HARAMBE!!!!!
• Team HARAMBE!!!!! also is currently undefeated. If only his enemies didn't veto the trade they thought was going to make him too powerful....
• no seriously - like y'all thought AD was going to make the league uneven?! Jee...bus
• #mathAintMathing
• The LM has got a rock steady team this year.
• There may be correlation with having kids and fantasy point generation
• The Haque brothers are sucking up this league
• Neither has Lavine despite best efforts
• General Sahib is leading the charge of mediocrity like every season
• Has also had the easiest season so far, i wonder who makes these schedules
• Also apparently is VERY WILLING to make trades and totally believes AD could yield a better offer or something....
• #mathAintMathing
• W E M-V-P is ranked 6th despite having Wemby and leading the league in moves
• Okay...this is the only time where i legitimately mean the math aint mathing
• He did win his last game so fpts be damned
• The Math Ain't Mathing has had the hardest schedule this season
• there would be a hashtag here, but it'd be redundant

With Week 3 behind us and Week 4, I think everyone has the same glaring question: What happens first, a trade in this league or the US government re-opening? One of these will surely have an answer this week. Right? Right?!

2025-2026 Sheikh Gucci Power Rankings - Week 2

 Note: Going for a more simplified look going forward, let me know what y'all think. Focusing on only the columns that matter (for these rankings) but if I notice anything in the full dataset that is worth talking about I'll include it.

RK	Team	PF	PA	STRK	MOVES
1	The Paolo Express  (Mujabe Shekib)	2745.25	1971.25	W2	6
2	General Sahib  (Arshad Jaffery)	2626	2202	W1	4
3	Rock 'Em Siakam Robots  (Qais Yar)	2586.75	2190	W2	9
4	Team HARAMBE!!!!!  (Roman Ghney)	2549.75	2270.5	W2	7
5	W E M-V-P  (Azim Khalique)	2398.5	2432.25	L1	13
6	Foxy Matas  (Mustafa Masood)	2361	2051	W1	6
7	Cobra Kawhi  (Sama T. B.)	2341.5	2386	W1	4
8	ball is life  (nauman bakhrani)	2232.5	2450	L1	4
9	Khanqueror  (Faris Khan)	2194.25	2423.75	L2	8
10	Overweight Young Gids  (Zuhair Haque)	2123.5	2501.5	L1	2
11	Wolf of Ball Street  (Riamo Equah)	1939.25	2592.25	L2	4
12	Dunkin' Donuts  (usman hussain)	1886.25	2514	L2	0

Insights:

• The Paolo Express has a commanding lead in the rankings with 2745 fpts scored in two weeks.
• That's a 119 more fpts than second place team General Sahib
• Dunkin' Donuts is in last place with only 1886 fpts scored in two weeks.
• also there are rumors that the team is committing copyright infringement
• Kash Patel has ordered the FBI to cease work on the Epstein Files to further investigate this issue.
• WEM.V.P. currently leads the league in moves which at least shows the rookie is engaged in the league
• So far there seems to be no correlation with number of moves and scoring points, however it's still early in the season.
• Wolf of Ball Street is barely staying out of the bottom spot, having a slight 53 fpt lead over Dunkin' Donuts
• The Team owner was caught muttering "The Math ain't Mathing...the math ain't mathing....the math ain't...." while rocking back and fourth in his chair. 
• We will keep you posted on this developing story.

More to come in next week's rankings - Maybe...

2025-2026 Sheikh Gucci Power Rankings - Week 1

 The time is upon us again. Can I keep these power rankings churning at a weekly basis? PROBABLY NOT! But I'll try harder (if at all) this time. It's only week 1 but lets go!

RK	Team	REB	AST	STL	BLK	TO	PTS	PF	PA	STRK	MOVES
1	Greek freak  (Mujabe Shekib)	215	105	45	30	73	616	1206.75	952.25	W1	3
2	Team HARAMBE!!!!!  (Roman Ghney)	192	125	27	13	73	691	1202	1072.25	W1	3
3	W E M-V-P  (Azim Khalique)	198	117	42	35	61	528	1117	1053.75	W1	8
4	Overweight Young Gids  (Zuhair Haque)	196	125	41	10	63	567	1104	960	W1	1
5	Rock 'Em Siakam Robots  (Qais Yar)	188	126	30	14	66	560	1076.5	996	W1	5
6	General Sahib  (Arshad Jaffery)	171	137	35	8	78	576	1072.25	1202	L1	3
7	Foxy Matas  (Mustafa Masood)	217	110	28	17	70	536	1053.75	1117	L1	4
8	ball is life  (nauman bakhrani)	176	131	35	18	77	520	1036.5	939.75	W1	4
9	Khanqueror  (Faris Khan)	180	80	42	24	67	511	996	1076.5	L1	5
10	Kawhi Not?!  (Sama T. B.)	146	90	22	19	63	563	960	1104	L1	3
11	Dunkin' Donuts  (usman hussain)	159	101	26	18	47	513	952.25	1206.75	L1	0
12	Wolf of Ball Street  (Riamo Equah)	185	115	27	19	68	449	939.75	1036.5	L1	3

• Greek Freak has taken an early lead in the rankings with 1206.75 FPTS in week 1
• That's only 4.75 fpts ahead of second place team Team HARAMBE
• Fractions!
• WEMVP leads the league in Moves with an astounding 8 moves made in 1 week. 
• Based on statistical analysis i've found there's only 7 days in the week! So that's more moves than days. CARAZY
• "The Wolf of Ball Street sucks and should be kicked from this league"
• - Quoted from Fantasy Baseball League Commissioner Arshad Jaffery
• General Sahib sits right smack dab in the middle of the league, ranked 6 with 1072.25 fpts.
• "My Team is ass" - Quoted from Team GM General Sahib
• "I agree" - Quoted from Rival Team owner Overweight Young Gids
• Dunkin Donuts has 0 moves made.
• Even ball is life made moves this week!

Good luck to everyone as we head into Week 2!